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Social Aspirations. 

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SOQAL ASPIRATIONS 



JVn Original Comedy in Cu^o Scenes 



BY 

HELEN SHERMAN GRIFFITH 



Copyright, igo3, by Dick & Fitzgerald 
(All rights reserved) 



• * ■ , 1 « 



NEW YORK 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers 

i8 Ann Street 



"the ubracy of 

CONGKtSS, I 

Two CoiJies Receive*: | 

JUi 25 1903 I 

ta: fir « SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS, 

JIaSS ^ XXc. No. j . v^, 

SSrUL^—J CHARACTERS '4^^ ^^ \ 0^<^ ^ 

Annette Jaques /4/iaj, Comic sse de la V alette 

Mrs. Charlie Chick An American Tourist 

Miss Angelina Chick ) ^^^ Daughters 

Miss Theodosia Chick ^ 

Susanne , Femnie de Chambre 

Time.— The Present. 

Place. — Paris. 

Time of Representation. — About forty-five minutes. 



COSTUMES 

Annette Jaques. In Scene I., handsome, stylish outdoor cos- 
tume. In Scene II., elaborate dinner costume ; necklace ; hand- 
some opera cloak. 

Mrs. Chick and Daughters. In Scene I., neat house dresses. 
In Scene II., evening costume. 

Susanne. Neatly fitting print dress, skirt rather short, small 
white apron, white lace cap. 



PROPERTIES 

V In addition to the articles mentioned in the description of each 

"> S^cene, the tr^jpk should contain doilies, silver dishes, sofa cush- 

ions,' a'Ronvc^n bfahket, a srn-aH knitted shawl, a large plaid shawl, 
an Unibr^lia 'anci a table-cover. A book and a Japanese folding 
screen for T,HEoposi4. . A letter-; a round tin bathtub; a tray 
and, disbe?:; a hox-vjater bottle;. ?^ dish of fish; a large milliner's 
■ box containing a dress- waist, low in the neck and short sleeves. 
A pair of white kid gloves for Annette. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS 

R. is right hand; l., left hand of the stage, as seen by a per- 
former facing the audience. 



It- 35 '^-^/ 



5^:. 



SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 



^ 



SCENE I. 



Scene.— Bedroom in Paris pension, somewhat shabbily fur- 
nished. At right back corner a cot bed, not made up. At 
back ccnfre a toilet fable draped in white muslin, with mir- 
ror and toilet articles on it. At side of left centre a bureau. 
In centre a moderately large round table; upon it a book 
and a call-bell. Trunk at foot of cot. Four straight-back 
chairs. Entrances back and left side. Theodosia discov- 
ered ^sitting at table, elbows on table and chin in hands 
reading. ' 

Theodosia {turning page and reading). "Another popular 
and interesting day's excursion from Naples is—" {Closes 
book, keeping place with iinger.) How I should love to make 
that excursion! That and a thousand others! Baedeker has 
such a charming way of putting things. He may not be ranked 
with Thackeray and all those literary standards, but I'm sure 
he's a clas-c. Anyhow, his work will live in posterity, and 
that IS more than can be said about most of to-day's popular 
writers. {Opens book again.) He comes so clearly to the poui^. 
too. See what he says about Rome. {Turns pages and reads.) 
Ah, Rome! Rome! how my artistic soul pants for your an- 
tiquities! I long to see your Ship of State standing in majestic 
ruins on the Palatine Hill !" {Speaks.) Oh. why can't momma 
give up trying to get into foreign society, and travel? That is 
what we cam.e abroad for. But Angelina got acquainted with 
that funny Countess who kept the cab driver from overcharging 
us, and who has "taken us up." So we've bought some ""fine 
clothes and must get into Parisian society! 

ENTER Susan NE, back, with letter. Theo. takes letter indif- 
ferently, still reading book. Then she glances at it and 
jumps up excitedly, knocking book on floor. Susanne picks 
up book, puts it on table, then crosses to corner and pro- 
ceeds to make up the bed. 



4 Social Aspirations 

Theo. (excitedly, examining letter). A coronet! It must be 
a letter from the Countess ! I don't think much of her hand- 
writing. Looks Hke a servant girl's. And ugh! {sniifing it). 
What awfully strong scent she uses ! Ugh ! Musk ! Well, let's 
see what she says. (Starts to open letter, then stops.) Oh, it's 
addressed to momma. Well, that's proper enough. Now to 
have the momentous question settled of whether the Countess 
will take supper with us to-night! 

[EXIT Theodosia, l. 

SusANNE (making bed). Eet ees de queer visitor we have now 
at de pension, je crois bien. De ladies dey arrive. Dey are 
cheerful, amiable ; dey want to stay two, t'ree — dey know not 
how many day. Long enough to buy de gowns. T'ree day in 
Paris for to buy clothes ! Ha ! ha ! Dey buy dem ready-made 
at de shop, pent etre. Eh, bien! Yet dey remain. Dey have 
plenty of monnaie, but dey know not how to spend it. No vis- 
itor, no leetle dinner, no petit excursion. Dey go nowhere, dey 
know no personne. Den, all at once, dis talk of a Comtesse. 
What Comtesse? Where she live? Who ees she? She promise 
to introduce dem into de grand nionde of Paris! Ha! ha! Dere is 
more Comtesses in de city of Paris dan ees recorded in de books ! 
(Smoothes dozvn bed wearily.) Ah, I am so overwork! Eet 
ees already late in de afternoon an' I have but jus' feenish de 
young ladies' room. (Looks about.) Voila, eet ees done. Ah, 
no. I have not return de young ladies' bath — de tub. I go for 
eet. 

[EXIT SusANNE, back. ENTER Mrs. Chick, An- 
gelina and Theo., side. Mrs. Chick holds open let- 
ter, while a daughter clings to each arm, reading 
over her shoulder. All three advance front, reading 
aloud. 

Mrs. Chick ^ 

Angelina > (together, reading letter). "My dear Madame 

Theo. ; Chic: It gif me much plaisaire to dine wit' 

you dis night. I shall arrive on de hour. Until then, ma chere, 
au revoir. Je suis toute a vous, Annette, Comtesse de la 
Valette." (They repeat slozuly, with great unction.) Comtesse 
de la Valette! 

Ang. (rapturously). So she is really coming! Oh, mom, 
how perfect! A Countess to dinner! (Embraces Mrs. Chick.) 

Theo. (in matter-of-fact tone). To supper, you mean. And 
a jolly poor one in a lamp-smelling dining-room. 

Mrs. C. (with dignity). I shall order special dishes. The 



Social Aspirations 5 

landlady will take pains when she knows I am willing to pay 
for it. 

Theo. (with ironic cheerfulness). And the light is so dim that 
the Countess won't observe the grease spots on the table-cloth. 
Ang. (crossly). Theodosia, don't be so vulgar. 
Theo. (innocently). But, Angie, / did not put the grease spots 

there ! It isn't my fault. Our predecessors 

Ang. Ugh! Do stop it! But, momma, we really can't have 
the Countess to dine. 

Mrs. C. (who has been re-reading note and mouthing the 
word "Countess" delightedly). Eh! What's that? Not have 
the Countess to dine ! Why, she's the key to our road into 
society ! 

Theo. (giggling). You don't lock roac?.y, mom. Call it puzzle. 

Ang. (frowning). If you would only let me finish my sen- 
tence ! We can't have the Countess to dine in the public dining- 
room. It would not be proper. 

Mrs. C. (amaacd). Not proper! 

Ang. Not the thing. Not— not 

Theo. (sotto voce). Not Chick, perhaps? 

Ang. (frozvning). Puns are so common, Theodosia. But it 
ivould not be ''chic," so there. I've been reading up on etiquette 
and things, and nice people— ^/it? people, you know— always seem 
to have their own private apartment. They dine in their own 
salon (pronounced here "saloon"). 

Mrs. C. (aghast). Their own saloon! Angelina, I am 
shocked! (Sinks into chair, but straightens at once.) Ouch! 
These uncomfortable chairs! I wish I had brought a rocker 
from home. 

Ang. You don't understand. Salon (corrects herself hur- 
riedly), I mean salong, is the French for drawing-room. 

Theo. Parlor, momma. 

Ang. People take a whole apartment, you see. Enough bed- 
rooms to go round, and their own parlor. Then when people 
come to dine with them 

Theo. Or sup! 

Ang. Why, they have their meal served up there. 

Mrs. C. (much impressed). Well. I want to know! 

Ang. (positively). It's common to dine in the public room. 
Why, momma, imagine a Countess in that dining-room ! 

Mrs. C. (curtly). It may be a little dingy, but I found it good 
enough for me. The sights and smells never took my appetite 
away. And (settling herself squarely upon her chair) I guess 
a free-born American citizen is as good as a French Countess! 
My land! 



6 Social Aspirations 

Theo. Bravo, mom ! Hurrah ! (She marches about stage 
pretending to wave a Hag and singing: "Yankee Doodle 
went to town, riding on a pony. Stuck a feather in his 
crown — '' Speaks.) But what are you going to do about it, 
Angie? You've asked the Countess, she's coming, and we 
haven't any private parlor — with a capital P or without. 

Ang. {crossly). I wish we'd gone to a decent hotel to begin 
with ! It's silly and stupid to be shut off in this shabby old 
hole when we can afford to stay at the Continental. 

Mrs. C. (beginning to sob). But you told me to come here! 
You said it was vulgar to go to big, flashy hotels. Boo-hoo ! 
My land ! I like the gay people and red plush seats. It's much 
more interesting to be around where there's bright lights and 
things going on ! Boo-hoo ! 

Theo. For the land's sake, don't you two get to quarrelling! 
What are we going to do with this Countess that's coming? 
We've got to impress her with our importance, if we expect her 
to introduce us into the best society. 

Ang. I've got a plan, if you'll only agree. 

Mrs. C. (drying her eyes). I'm sure we're as good as the 
next one. I have a right to be acquainted with any one, even if 
she has got a tail to her name. 

Theo. (trying to be funny). Or a tale in her life, by the 
"Duchess." 

Ang. My plan is to have our dinner in here. 

Mrs. C. ) (together, in astonishment). In here! A dinner 

Theo. S in a bedroom! 

Ang. (quickly). The Countess need uot know that it's a 
bedroom. We can arrange things nicely. I've thought it all 
out. We'll just make the bed into a couch with a cover and 
some cushions 

Theo. (entering into idea). Yes, and put another cover over 
the dressing-table, and screen off the trunk 

Mrs. C. (looking about room). How about the bureau? 

Ang. (taken aback). That? Why, that 

Theo. (triumphantly ). Why, that can be the sideboard! Come 
on, Angie, let's get to work. Oh, I'm so glad now that we 
bought all that brocade and trash ! 

[She runs to trunk, opens it and pulls out a brocaded 
table-cover. She brushes things pell-mell oif the 
dressing-table, removes muslin drapery and covers 
it zuith brocade. Angelina takes handsome lace 
doilies and silver disJies out of trunk, pushes articles 
on bureau into top drawer and sets doilies and 
dishes on it, Mrs. Chick helping. 



Social Aspirations 7 

Theo. (gathering up discarded toilet articles). I'll fetch the 
screen out of your room, mom. Angle, the so-called Roman 
blanket that you bought at the Bon Marche will be just the thing 
to put over the bed. 

[EXIT Theo. 

Mrs. C. {lifting Roman blanket out of trunk). We can eat 
off the centre table. I'm glad it's a round one. What shall we 
have for supper? 

Ang. {taking embroidered sofa-cushions out of trunk and help- 
ing Mrs. C. to cover and arrange bed to resemble couch). Oh, 
I don't know. A nice little dinner of four or five courses. Of 
course, we must have wine. 

Theo. {re-entering, l., carrying Japanese screen). Of course 
we must — champagne. 

Mrs. C. {helping Theo. to place screen around trunk). Dear 
me, that sounds very wicked ! 

Ang. {superiorly). Nonsense! The Countess will expect 
nothing less. Let us order things at once. It's almost time to 
dress. {Rings bell.) You will have to give Susanne a big fee 
for waiting on us, mom. It's outside her regular work. 

Theo. {bending over open trunk). Oh, mom! Here is that 
piece of drawn work you bought yesterday. Let's use it for a 
table-cloth over Angelina's square of pink felt, a sort of "Pink 
Tea" effect ! 

Ang. The very thing! I'll go for the felt at once. 

[EXIT Angelina, l. ENTER Susanne, back, with 
large box. 

Sus, {coming forward). A package for the Madame. 

[Susanne gives Theo. the box. EXIT, back. 

Theo. {taking box). It's your new waist, mom. 

Ang. {entering l.). Oh, I'm so glad I It has come just in 
time to wear to-night. 

Mrs. C. {opening box and holding up decollete waist). Wear 
to-night. But it isn't finished. 

Ang. ) {together, examining waist). Not finished! Why, 

Theo. ( what is left out? 

Mrs. C. {spreading out waist). Why, the neck and sleeves, 
to be sure ! 

[Theo. and Angelina laugh. 

Ang. But it's meant to be that way, momma. It is decollete; 
for evening wear, you know. 



8 Social Aspirations 

Theo. Angie and I each have them, too. 

Mrs, C. (indignantly). I wear thatf I — I — why, it wouldn't 
be proper! 

Ang. {stiMy). It wouldn't be proper not to wear it at a din- 
ner party. 

Mrs. C. Now, you need not tell me 

Sus. {in doorzvay at back). Madame la Comtesse de la 
V alette! 

Mrs. C. {thrusting waist into box, aside to Angelina). Hide 
that improper waist, quick! 

Ang. {laying box, open, on chair, aside to Mrs. Chick). Non- 
sense ! I shall show it to the Countess. She will think it lovely. 
Don't let her see that you are not used to wearing it. 

ENTER Annette at back, dressed in handsome, stylish outdoor 
costume. Angelina and Theo. greet her effusively. 

Mrs. C. {aside, raising her hands). Used to wearing it! For 
the land's sake ! 

Annette {advancing with hands outstretched). Ma chcre, 
Madame! Eet ees such a joy to see you! Eet gif me what 
you call — ah — a heart-throb to see all my so dear friends again, 
eh? {She looks around at them all beamingly, then advances 
and kisses Mrs. Chick upon each cheek.) Non, non, merci! {as 
Angelina and Theo. each offer her a chair). I haf stop in for but 
one leetle moment to gif you a word of greeting. I pass by here 
on my way home from a musicalc chez la Duchesse de la Reine 
{looks about her, aside). Eet ees a privat salon! I did not 
know dey haf dat. Eh, bien! Dey are all right. I help dem 
into de grand monde, an' {making gesture as though lifting 
something) dey tak' me wit' dem. Ah, de monnaie, de mon- 
naie! Eet ees dat which count! {Clasps her hands.) 

[Mrs. Chick, Angelina and Theo. talk aside, exchang- 
ing appreciative nods. 

Ang. {aside to Mrs. Chick and Theo.). She is admiring the 
room. 

Theo. {aside to Mrs. Chick and Angelina). She is taken in 
completely. 

Mrs. C. {aside to Angelina and Theo.). I wish we had had 
time to tidy up the mess that box has made. 

Ann. {turning). I am just' admire your so preety leetle room, 
eh? Eet ees — ah — w'at you call sweetly preety, eh? Eet ees 
so simple, in such good — ah — good taste. {Seats herself.) De 
maison I haf jus' quit was so beeg, so decorate, so — so over- 



Social Aspirations 9 

whelming, eh? De nmsiquc? Ah, good, good, but (shrugging 
her shoulders languidly) one hears eet so of-ten. Ah ! M. Jean 
Dereski an' {waving her hand) two, t'ree oders. 

Mrs. C. {much impressed). I want to know! 

Ang. ) {together). Oh, tell us about it! Who was there? 

Theo. ) Any Princesses? 

Ann. {aside). I had de honair to peek up de mouchoir of a 
Princesse in de dressino^-room while waiting for my maitresse. 
{Aloud, indifferently.) Ah, yes! Princesse Blanche an' her suite 
were dere. Also de Grande Duchesse de — But ah I (rising 
quickly) I mus' remain no longer now. I weel tell you all at de 
dinner, if I may? You surely— wan^ me. eh? (Looks from one 
to the other coquettishly.) 

Mrs. C. ) . 

Ang [ (together, curtseying). We are so honored, Coun- 

Theo. [ ^^''^ 

ENTER Susanne at hack with round tin hath tub. Theo 
and Angelina wave her away frantically. Mrs. Chick tries 
to engage Annett/s attention. Susanne stands looking 
at them in surprise. 

Mrs. C. (-flustered, hut trying to divert Annette). What a be- 
coming hat you have on Mrs. — I mean Countess! And such a 
pretty (looks around and sees Susanne still standing centre, 
back, with tub) — oh, dear! why don't she take it out? 

[Annette looks around in wonder. 

Ang. I (together, angrily, to Susanne). Take it away, I tell 

Theo. f you ! 

Sus. (advancing front with tub). Tak' eet away? But zvhyf 
Ees eet not de yotmg lady's bath? In de morning she weel wish 
eet, eet weel not be here. She weel ring violent — br-r-r-r-r ! / 
weel be blame! (Sets down tub.) No, I weel not tak' eet 
away! (Aside.) I haf seen dot Comtesse somewhere in a posi- 
tion zvhere she could not be a Comtesse. What does eet mean? 

Ang. ) 

Theo. C (together, angrily, to Susanne). Oh, you stupid! 

[They catch up the tub bctiveen them and run with it 
out L., Susanne looking after them in asfonish)nent. 

Mrs. C. (zvifh dignity). Su?anne. siirely you know that we 
do not want bath tubs in the pari — drawingr-room. 

Sus. (puazled, looking about). In ze drawing-room? But, 
Madame 



JO Social Aspirations 

Mrs. C {quickly). You may go. 

Sus. (aside). Je ne comprends pas! Eet ees very queer — 
very mysterious. Where was dat drawing-room? 

[EXIT SusANNE, back. Re-enter Angelina and Theo., 
L., Hushed and out of breath. 

Ann. (aside). Eet ees very odd, theese behavior. I won- 
der 

Ang. Susanne seems to think that she can put a bath tub any- 
where with impunity. 

Theo. (giggling). She must have waited on English people. 

Mrs. C. I am so mortified, Countess. 

Ann. Ah, chere, Madame, do not be embarrass before so — 
so ole a frien' as me, eh? (Kisses her on both cheeks.) Adieu, 
mes cheres. (Kissing Angelina and Theo.) In one hour I 
return — dat ees right, eh? 

Theo I (together). Yes, Countess, we dine at seven. 

Ang. If that hour suits you. 

Theo. We can easily put it off. 

Mrs. C. (aside). If they do I shall starve! We always have 
supper at six at home. 

Ann. (graciously). Ah. no. Eet ees my hour to dine; a 
very pop-u-lar hour in de high societe, n'est ce pas? (Aside.) 
I shall be much rush to dress my lady, wait on her to her car- 
riage, an' den borrow enough of her wardrobe to come here in 
de correct toilette! (Aloud, turning at door.) Ah — eef 1 am a 
leetle — ah — late, you weel pardon, eh? I haf so many duties — 
ah — of State! 

Mrs. C. ) 

Ang '^(together, curtseying). We are at your disposition, 

Theo. ^ Countess! 

[EXIT Annette at back. 

CURTAIN. 



SCENE II. 

Scene. — Same as first. A little more has been done to 
change the aspect from bedroom to drazving-room. Two 
decanters stand on the improvised sideboard. The centre 
table is spread with a ivhite cloth and set with glass and 
silver, laid for four. A large bowl of roses in middle. 



Social Aspirations U 

ENTER SusANNE wiih plate of rolls, which she places, one at 
each cover on table. 

Sus. (arranging table). I wis' dat I know where I haf seen 
dat Comtesse! (Clasps her hands suddenly.) Voila' I haf 
eet! (Puts one hand to her forehead.) Qui, oui! Eet ees de 
same ! Wen I was maid to Madame Hough dere was a young 
maid to one of de house-party ladies— Annette Jaques, who wait 
on Madame Ballaque. She haf aspirations— social aspirations 
(IVords pronounced sloivly and with French pronunciation ) 
Eet ees she— de very same! She t'ink she rise by flattering an' 
using dese innocent ladies, who haf also de disease of social 
aspiration. Monnaie an' a name— dose are need. Dey haf de 
monnaie. Annette assume de name. Voila! But eet s'all not 
happen so! Dese ladies are kin', seemple, ingenues! I betray 
de Comtesse! Voila! 

[EXIT SusANNE, back. ENTER Angelina and Theo., 
side, in evening dress. 

Ang. (surveying the room). Doesn't everything look nice? 

Theo. Awfully nice. But, Angle, have you a ten-franc piece 
handy? The boy is waiting to be paid for the flowers. 

Ang. (arranging sideboard). Get it from momma. 

Theo. I don't want to interrupt her dressing. Don't be 
stingy. 

Ang. (indignantly). I'm not stingy. But why don't you pay 
him 5^ourself? 

Theo. Haven't got it. Fact is (reluctantly), I lent fifty 
francs to the Countess. But you had a lot this morning. 

Ang. (starting). Lent it to the Countess I Why, so did I. 
Lent her all I had. 

[They look at each other a moment. 

Ang. It's odd. (Quickly.) But she had very good reasons 
for asking. 

Theo. Yes, she had very good reasons. But (uneasily) do 
you think she's— a// rights 

Ang. (positively). Of course. Remember the invitation to 
the Baroness Brun's ball that she sent us? 

Theo. (doubtfully). I know, but 

\Sounds without of breaking glass and falling articles. 

ENTER Mrs. Chick precipitately, dressed in handsome evening 
gozvn. She is Hushed and dishevelled. Pauses in centre. 

Mrs. C. (dramatically). Look at me! Do you think I am 



J2 Social Aspirations 

going to sit down to my supper like this? Well, I won't. So 
there ! 

[She seats herself determinedly, centre front, and folds 
her arms. 

Ang. ^ {together, in dismay). Oh, momma, you'll spoil every- 

Theo. s thing. 

Mrs. C. (drily). I shan't be spoiling my self-respect. 

Ang. (appeasingly). Well, then, mom, wear a shawl or a 
scarf of some sort over your shoulders. You can say you have 
a cold, or make some excuse. Only don't change. 

Theo. No, don't, dear. It would be such a bother. (Aside 
to Angelina). Her arms will show bare under the shawl, and 
the Countess will know she's correctly dressed underneath. 

Ang. (aside to Theo.). Even if she is covered up. I'll lend 
her my hand-painted liberty scarf. 

[EXEUNT Angelina and Theo. 

Mrs. C. (alone). Well, I might put on a shawl. It would 
be a nuisance to change my clothes again, and I'm too hungry 
for much exertion. (Rises.) But it must be a big shawl. 

[She goes behind screen, which is so arranged about 
trunk as to permit audience to see any one standing 
behind it, and opening trunk, bends over and 
searches among its contents. Door at back opens 
softly and Annette enters, dressed magniHcently, 
a handsome opera cloak half concealing her elaborate 
dinner toilet. She szveeps down centre with a grand 
air. Door slams to loudly. Annette starts and 
looks back. 

Ann. (indignantly). That insolent Susanne ! She haf not 
even announce me. Ees eet possible that I am recognize? Does 
she know me beneath de — ah — rouge an' de title? But she would 
not betray me! Ah, non, nan! Not w'en my troubles are so 
heap up an' de safety ees in sight. Madame Ballaque. my mai- 
tresse, haf learn dat I sometime — ah — borrow, eh? — her clothes. 
Eef I do eet again, she say, she gif me warning. To-night, by 
ill-luck, she dine in dis very pension. Et regardes-moi! Eef she 
see me, oh ! my foie-gras ees cook, as de Americain say. Stay, 
de young ladies haf not come down. Dey not know eef I haf 
arrive. I t'ink I slip out sof'ly an' see w'ere eet ees dat my 
maitresse dine. Eet ees well to know w'ere de danger sleep, eh? 
I return in one leetle moment. 

[EXIT Annette, back. Mrs. Chick lifts small knitted 



Social Aspirations 13 

shawl from trunk and comes from behind screen. 
Draping shawl around her shoulders, she crosses and 
looks at herself in bureau mirror. 

Mrs. C. (screaming). Oh, it isn't half big enough! 

[She runs behind screen again, dropping shawl on chair 
just in front of screen. Door opens at back. Pause. 
SusANNE and Annette seen in background, arguing. 
Then: — 

Sus. (sullenly, in loud voice). Madame la Comtesse dc la 
Valette. 
[Annette enters with magnificent air. Susan ne shakes 
her fist from doorway. EXIT Susanne. 

Mrs. C. (behind screen, in dismay). For the land's sake! How 
am I to get out? 

Ann. (looking about in surprise). Why, de young ladies are 
not yet here. Ees eet possible dat I am airly, eh? 

[Mrs. Chick digs frantically in trunk. 

Mrs. C. (excitedly). Oh. where is that plaid shawl? I am 
sure I put it in here. (Turns.) Well, that little one would be 
better than nothing. 

[She tries to reach the shawl on chair in front of screen. 
Annette sees bare arm protruding around screen 
and screams. Mrs. Chick drazvs back her arm hur- 
riedly. She takes umbrella out of trunk and tries 
to reach shazul zvith that. 

Ann. (aside). Ees some one dressing behin' dat screen? 
Haf I come to de wrong room? (Looks about her.) Mais, 
non, eet ees de same. W'at does eet mean? Dat arm — dat 
screen? Am I deceive? Ees eet dat dey but prcten de grandes 
dames avec I'argentf 

Mrs. C. (behind screen). Pshaw! I can't reach it. Well, I 
can't appear this way. 

[She puts aside umbrella and searches in trunk again. 

Ann. (starting and listening). Eh? I t'ought I hear some 
one speak. Ah ! (She turns quickly as Angelina enters from 
L., hastily.) 

Ang. (greeting Annette). Oh. my dear, dear Countess, here 
alone! I hope we've not kept you waiting. I thought momma 
was in here. 



14 Social Aspirations 

Mrs. C. (behind screen, aside). And so she is! 
Theo. (running in l,, not seeing Annette). Oh, Angie, 
where's momma? She's not in her room. Do you suppose that 
low-necked dress — Oh! (Sees Annette.) I beg your par- 
don. How de do? (Greets Annette.) 

Ang. ( ealmly). I dare say momma's giving some last orders. 
Let me help you remove your cloak, Countess. 
Mrs. C. (peeping around screen). Ahem! ahem! 

[Theo. looks up and sees her mother, who beckons. 
Theo. goes behind screen. There ensues a vigorous 
pantomime, Mrs. Chick explaining her search for a 
larger shawl. Theo. tries to persuade her to come 
out as she is. Mrs. Chick shakes her head. Theo. 
pulls her arm out. Mrs. Chick draws back and 
searches trunk again. Meanwhile Angelina helps 
Countess off with cloak. Annette wears superb 
evening gown, decollete, trained, and a necklace. 

Ann. (arranging her train). I dress hurriedly. Eef anyt'ing 
ees amees you weel pardon eet? I haf so many demands on my 
time! (Aside, eyeing screen.) Dere ees some one behin' dat 
screen! Wat does eet mean? Can dere be deceitfulness here? 
Eet ees very mysterious. 

Ang. You must be very gay. Countess. I have heard that 
the "smart set" in Paris give grand entertainments. 

Ann. (clasping her hands rapturously). Ah. wait until you 
haf atten' some of dem ! La Baronne Brun; Comtesse de Faux- 
Pas; la Duchesse de la heine ; la Princesse Niente — an Italian 
Princess of great beaute, who ees quite the — the — what you call 
eet? — fury, in Paris. 

Ang. Quite the rage. 

Ann. (shrugging her shoulders) . Bien, rage, fury ; dey are 
de same in de dictionnaire. I haf all dose ladies on my lis'. You 
weel haf introduction to dem all. (Aside.) After I leaf Ma- 
dame's service an' become your distinguish' gues'. 

Theo. (peeping around screen). Ahem! ahem! 

[Angelina looks. Theo. beckons. Angelina shakes 
her head. Theo. beckons again. Annette looks up 
suddenly from fastening her glove. 

Ann. (surprised). Eh, bien? 

[Theo. disappears, with a last imperative beckon. 
Ang. (confused). Oh — oh, I guess the — the cakes have come 
from the patisserie. Theodosia wants me to see if they are all 
right. Will you excuse me a moment. Countess? 

[Angelina goes behind screen. 



Social Aspirations J5 

Ann. (with a sigh of relief). Ah, eet ees explain. De screen 
conceal a serving table. Eet was de maid I saw. Eh, hicn. 

Theo. (sotto voce to Angelina). Mom won't come out with- 
out a shawl on big enough to cover her. 

[They expostiUate with Mrs. Chick. 

Ann. (looking toward screen). Ah, eet mus' be de cakes. Eet 
nius' be all right. Dey are too — too naive to play trick about 
monnaie. Non, dey are truly reech, je suis certain. An' I haf 
everyt'ing plan. (Takes letter from pocket.) I fin' dis lettre, 
ecrite by Madame Ballaque to introduce her "charming foreign 
frien's," but wit' no nauics of dose fricn's. I gif eet to dcse 
ladies as soon as Madame Ballaque leaf town. Dey mak' calls 
wit' eet. Dey go every w 'ere — no one question de lettre d' intro- 
duction de Madame Ballaque! I go wit' dem. I am not recog- 
nize. We are receive by all de grande monde. (Spreads her 
arms.) But ah! we stay not long in dis country, non. I per- 
suade dem to return to Amerique. I go, too, as deir gues'. I lif 
upon deir bounty. I become a — a lioness in societe Americaine 
because of dis leetle so powerful tail handle I haf attach, home- 
made, to my name. Ah ! 

Mrs. C. (behind screen, lifting large plaid shazvl out of trunk). 
There, I knew it was in here ! (She wraps the shawl, folded cor- 
nerwise, around her. It covers her completely to the zvaist.) 

Ang. (horrified). Oh, momma, it is disgraceful. 

Theo. (giggling). It's hardly the garb of high society. 

Mrs. C. I don't care. It's respectable. 

[Mrs. Chick, enveloped in shawl with head and hands 
emerging, comes from behind screen, followed by 
Angelina and Theo. 

Mrs. C. (graciously, extending hand). How de do. Countess. 
So sorry to keep you waiting. 

Ann. (regarding her odd costume with astonishment). Ah, 
pray do not mention eet. ma chere Madame Chick! Eet ees not'- 
ing — rien du tout! (Kisses her on both cheeks, still regarding 
shawl curiously.) 

X^^ [ (together, approaching Mrs. Chick from behind, one 

on each side). Momma has caught such a bad cold. Isn't it too 
bad, when she has such a pretty dress on? (They catch at shan-l 
and pull it off, laughing.) 

Mrs. C. (screaming and huddling herself together). Oh, girl'^. 
how dare you ! I feel so — so 

Theo. (quickly). So chilly? Well, put it on again. The 
Countess will excuse you. 



t6 Social Aspirations 

Ang. Shall I ring for dinner, momma? Countess, let us be 
seated. You sit there, please. 

[They gather about table. Angelina draws out for An- 
nette the chair facing bed. Theo. helps her mother 
sit opposite. Mrs. Chick rings bell on table. An- 
gelina and Theo. seat themselves. 

ENTER Susanne at back, carrying tray with dishes. 

Sus. (setting tray on sideboard and placing dish of fish in front 
of Mrs. Chick). De Madame — Ian 'lady — say she haf rule' 
against de sairving of a meal in de bedroom unless illness ees 
present. But dis time 

Ang. (quickly). Susanne, fill the Countess's glass. 

Mrs. C. (embarrassed, frowning at Susanne and turning her 
back on her). Countess, may I give you some of this turbot? 
Susanne, offer the sauce to the Countess. 

Sus. (aside, sniifing). Humph! Comtesse, indeed! (She 
brings sauce from sideboard and passes it sullenly.) 

Theo. (frozvning at Susanne). What a lovely necklace that is, 
Countess. Perfectly exquisite ! 

Sus. (aside). Eet ees Madame Ballaque's. I remember eet 
well at de house party. 

[EXIT Susanne, back. 

Ang. (unstopping a decanter). Countess, let me fill your glass. 
Momma, will you have some claret? 

[Mrs. Chick starts to refuse. Angelina and Theo. 
frown and shake their heads. Angelina fills all 
glasses. 

Ann. (taking up glass). Ah, I t'ank you. (Sips. Aside, 
making wry face.) Vin ordinaire! (Aloud.) Wat a deleecious 
flavor ! At de musicale of de Duchesse dey haf de, oh ! so atro- 
cious punch. Eet ees a delight to remove de tas' of eet from my 
mout' wit' dis. 

{They eat. Door opens at back. 

ENTER Susanne zvith hot-zvaier bottle. Crossing to couch, she 
quietly removes sofa-cushions and Roman blanket, turns 
down the bed and tucks hot-water bottle betzveen the 
sheets. Annette sees her and sits zvith suspended fork, 
gazing at her in horror. Mrs. Chick, Angelina and Theo. 
see Annette's expression, endeavor to attract her attention, 
then turn to look. They arc struck dumb with dismay for 



Social Aspirations J 7 

a moment, then rising, gesticulate wildly to Susanne. At 
length : — 
Mrs. C. ) 

Ang. > (together, wildly, rising). Susanne! STOP IT!!! 
Theo. ; 

Sus. (innocently, coming forzvard). Eh? Stop eet? Mais, 
pourquoif Eet ees w'at I do every evening. De night ees col'. 
Mademoiselle weel be glad of de leetle hot bottle, eh ? 

[Mrs. Chick, Angelina, Theo. and Susanne talk aside. 

Ann. (aside, tragically). Den dis ees a bedroom! I had mes 
soupQons. Sacre-Bleu! Dey are not reech ! Dey haf not de 
monnaie! Dey preten' ! Ah, I am los' ! 

Mrs. C. (turning). Ah, pardon, my dear Countess. It is noth- 
ing. (Airily.) A mere nothing. Come, let us finish our dinner. 

[EXIT Susanne, back, scowling. 

Ang. ) (together briskly, reseating themselves). Yes, a mere 

Theo. \ nothing! Countess, will you 

Ann. (severely). Not'ing? You call eet not'ing? (Slowly 
and dramatically.) You haf deceive me! 

Mrs. C. (dropping into chair). Th-ere, girls, I told you so! 

Ang. {(together, rising and running to Annette). Oh, don't 

Theo. ) take it that v/ay ! 

Ang. We only meant it as a compliment. 

Theo. We did not suppose Susanne would be so stupid. 

Ann. (looking from one to the other). As a compliment? 
(French pronunciation. ) 

Theo. (hastily). Yes, of course. You see, Angie had been 
reading some sort of Society Notes, and thought it wouldn't be 
the thing to eat in the public dining-room 

Ang. (interrupting). And there are no private parlors here 

Theo. So we thought we'd better turn this bedroom into one 
until we could move. 

Mrs. C. (triumphantly). I knew we ought to have gone to a 
big, cheerful hotel, with music and six-course dinners. 

Theo. But Angie thought them vulgar. 

Ang. (turning up her nose). And flashy! 

Ann. (relieved). Den eet was not because you could not 
afford a private salon dat you do — do dis (motioning to the ex- 
posed bed). 

Mrs. C. (bridling). Land's sake, no! What do you suppose? 

Theo. (giggling). La! I guess ma could buy out this whole 
pension. 

Ang. But I read so much about the elegant private hotels in 
Paris. 



J 8 Social Aspirations 

Ann. (laughing). Eh, hicn! but zere you haf made one droll 
mistake ! A hotel in French ees w'at you call a — a domicile, a 
home, eh? 

Ang. {confused). Then 

Sus. {opening door at back). Annette Jaques ! 

[Annette looks around involuntarily and screams. Mrs. 
Chick, Angelina and Theo. turn in astonishment. 

Mrs. C. What are you talking about. Susanne? 

Sus. {pointing to Annette), Slie know. I was talking to 
her. Ask her. 

Ann. {trying to appear indignant). How dare you address 
me so, aile de chambref {To the others.) Eet ees my name — 
Annette Jaques, Comtesse de la Valette — but she use eet wit'out 
de — de 

Sus. De disguise. Annette Jaques, your maitresse, Madame 
Ballaque, ees below, awaiting your service. 

Mrs. C. ^ 

Ang. > {together). What do you mean? 

Theo. ) 

Ang. {indignantly). How dare you insult the Countess so? 

Theo. {astonished) . Are you out of your mind, Susanne? 

Mrs. C. {sternly). Explain yourself! 

Sus. {meekly, but with suppressed triumph). Oui, Madame 
Annette Jaques {pointing to Annette), ees de lady's maid to 
Madame Ballaque. 

Mrs. C, {screaming) . What? A lady's maid? A Countess a 
lady's maid! 

Sus. {curtseying). A lady's maid, but not a Comtesse, Ma- 
dame. 

Mrs. C. ) 

Ang. > {together). It \s impossible! 

Theo. ) 

Sus. {pointing to Annette). Ask her. She weel not deny eet. 
[They all turn to Annette, who shrinks away and hangs 
her head guiltily. Tableau.) 

Ang. {reproachfully). Then you have deceived us? 

Theo. {disappointedly). And you can't take us to those grand 
palaces ? 

Mrs. C. {raising her hands). Well, I want to know! 

Ann. (wringing her hands in distress). Oh, I weel explain! 
Eet can all be explain, ladies, eef you weel lis-ten. I confess. 
I repent. But I can still tak' you to dose house eef you accep' 
my plan. 

[She motions them to conic to her, pointing Susanne to 



Social Aspirations 19 

the door. Mrs. Chick, Angelina and Theo group 
themselves about her hesitatingly. 

Sus. {triumphantly, at door). She cannot explain away de 
fac's! 

[EXIT SusANNE, back. 

Ann. {frankly). I am a lady's maid. But I, too, have les 
ambitions. {Takes letter from her pocket.) Dis leetle lettre, 
which speak no name, weel introduce you to de bes' societe here in 
Paris. / accompanay you as your distinguish' gues'. I he'p you 
wit' de French tongue, eh? You haf much pleasaire. An' w'en 
you go back to America, a French Comtesse goes wit' you ! Eh ? 
Wat a — a triomph! 

Mrs. C. {shocked). How deceitful! You had better leave us 
at once! 

Ang. {scornfully). Yes, go back to your mistress, Annette 
Jaques ! 

Theo. And practise your theatricals — somewhere else. 

Ann. {in dismay). Wat? You t'row me off? Ah, non, Ma- 
dame! Ah, mesdemoiselles! {Appealing from one to the other, 
who turn their backs.) Ah, haf peety ! I meant de bes'. I 
meant to do you pleasaire. My lady, she haf gif me warning. 
I shall be desolee. Sans sous! Ah, Madame, chere Madame, 
tak' me ! Haf peety ! {She throws herself on knees before 
Mrs. C.) 

Mrs. C. {aside). Oh! A waiting-maid, and I called her a 
Countess ! I, a free-born American citizen, looked up to her! 
{Raises her hands in protesting horror.) 

Ang. {regarding kneeling figure). She might do as a lady's 
maid, momma. It would make a good impression at a big hotel 
to have a neat maid. 

Ann. {turning on her knees to Angelina). Ah, tak' me any- 
way — as maid eef not frien'. I sairve you well. 

Theo. {giggling). She might serve as a sort of advertisement 
of our respectability. 

Ann. {turning on her knees to Theo.). Ah, mademoiselle, I 
sairve you mos' respec'able. 

Mrs. C. Annette Jaques, stop crawling on your knees. Stand 
up ! 

Ann. {rising, aside). She call me Annette! She take me. 
goot! (To Mrs. Chick.) Ees eet agree? Ah, a million t'anks ! 
{Starts to embrace Mrs. Chick, zvho draws back indignantly.) 
Ah! {Curtseying.) Pardon, Madame! {Curtseying again.) I 
weel not offend again. {Aside.) De bargain ees goot, malgrc 



20* Social Aspirations 

la decouvcrte ! Dey weel pay me two, t'ree times de wage Ma- 
dame Ballaque gif. Dey are Americains. Eh, hien, dey are 
reech, alors. 

Mrs. C. You miserable woman ! I need neither your thanks 
nor yourself. How dare you suppose that I would force my way 
into society by a stolen letter of recommendation ! Go ! Get out 
of my sight this moment. (Points to door.) 

Ann. (goes half-zvay toward the door, then turns, laughing). 
Ha ! ha ! You vairy funny ol' woman ! De two droll demoiselles ! 
Oh. how I fool dem ! (Mimics.) "De de-ar Comtcsse." I kees 
dem. Ha ! ha ! I tell ev'ry one ! How ev'rybody weel laugh ! 
Dey 

Sus. (opening door at back). Madame Ballaque eenseest you 
go to her queeck. She is fury ! An' w'en she sees you in dat 
costume she hav' you arrest'. 

[EXIT with Annette. 

Mrs. C. Girls, pack up everything. We go at once to the 
''Continental." To-morrow we leave Paris. I think we have all 
had enough of 

''Social Aspirations/' 



Tableau. 



CURTAIN. 



vill 
lady 



SAVED FROM THE WRECK. 

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SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Tn,rrnbJ?«^lf^°rf"'' ^'^•"'^-"O"^^ KEEPHR.-An autumn afternoon.-The insult. 
— Irue to heiself.-A fearless heart.-l he unwelcome guest.-Only a foundling -An 
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SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act L At Fort Lee, on the HuDSOx.-News from the war.-The meeting.- 
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CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

BENJAMIN BUTTERNUT, an unworthy plumber, who weds a young lady and 

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jigreenient IjOw Comedt 

Dr. FELIX SYRUP, who brings about Butternut's matrimouiai adventure, and 

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UNCLE ABEL SYRUP, who resorts to an innocent stratagem which fails to 

„ pan out well. . ■■■■■■ Straight Old Man 

WILLIE GOODFELLOW, witu a pet scheme for getting rid of objectionable 

husbands Juvemli-: G entleman 

GOPHIR BILL, a noted burglar whom the plumber attempts to teach the 

business Character Bit 

DEPUTY SHERIFF POUNCE, who meets first a cordial aud then a very vVarm 

reception Utility Man 

UNDERTAKER SCREWEMDOWN, who comes to grief In trying to bury a live 

subject Character Bit 

HIRAM JONES, a Irtnd speculator UtilityMan 

FIRST KEEPER Utility Man 

SECOND KEEPER .....UTILITY MAN 

REPRESENTATIVE GRABALL, a useful member of the Legislature, with an 

eye to spoils Character Bit 

SIX MEMBERS OF THE LEGISLATURE Supernumeraries 

GEORGIE FANSHAW, afterward Mrs. Benjamin Butternut, a vonng lady with 

a fad for bfcoming a widow without losing a husband... Leading Comedy Lady 

NAOMI ROSEBUD, who knows what fun "we widows have " Ingknuk 

Daisy carrots, with a penchant for mixiug up things general! y, RounHSoUBRBTTB 

Mrs. LYDIA BROCK, who finds her well-intended efforts unappreciatefl . . 

Comic Old Woman 

BIDDY MULHOOLEY. an excited matron from the Emerald Isle Character Bit 

NANETTE FANCHETTE, In s-»aich of her truant husband Character Bit 

Time, the present. Locality, Acts I. and II. in New York City; Act III. at Dover, 
Delaware. Time of Repuksentation, 2J^ hours. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

ACT L— Dr. Syrup's office— An M. D. in the dumps—" When are you going to paj 
me my wages, sa-ay ?"— Making 'em feel at home— Poor Willie— Striking a bargain- 
Uncle Abel's scheme— Daisy ill a scrape— An unprinciplpd plumber with a classical 
countenance— A deputy sheriff taking stock on the quiet. Throwing otit the wrong 
man— Fifty dollars for a husband— Preparations for the werlding. and arrangements 
for a first class funeral-" Doctor, the bath-ttib is busted and the house is afloat I " 

ACT II.— The home of Butternut's bride in Madison avenue— Not such a soft 
snap after all— "When I win my wife's affections, I'll rais-^ your wages"— Willie 
floored and the ladies have a little set-to— Old acquaintanc< s hatch a nice little plot-^ 
The doctor and the undertaker disappear thronL'-h tie wimlow, and the plumber 
assumes control of the establishment. The greatept scheme of all— A bursrlar goes a 
burglltig. Making mincemeat of the whole caboodle of them— Another surprise for 
old Bntternut^Uncle Abel is mistaken for a lunatic aud run off to the asylum, and 
Gophir Bill takes the last trick. 

ACT III.— Hotel parlor at Dover— Uncle Abel, bent on vengeance, sets a trap 
for the plumber— Mrs. Syrup cultivates the manly art and comes down to Delaware 
with blood In her eye— Butternut on a bicycle— "She bouirht yoii for a job lot and 
got stuck "—"Fixing" the Lpglslature—"'rell!ng her all "—Willie's Infernal machine 
—Making a will In a hurry— Mrs. Syrup gives tip boxing lessons, and the doctor getf 
anotherchance In business— The inferna I machine knocks out the Legislature—" Yon 
drunken Idiots, this aint the railroad bill ! "— Butternut on the matrimonial market 
again— Finale. 

tW Copies will be mailed, postpaid, to any address, on receipt of the prioe, 

DICK & FITZULRALD, Piiblislitris, 18 Ann St., New York. 



1903 



'•■^V^^ 



TS? NEW PARTNER. 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

James Harcotjrt, a rich manufacturer First Old Man. 

John Cartwright, sujyerintendent of the factory ; a 

man of the people Leading Man. 

Robert Fsrgcson, the neiv partner; a man of the world ...Genteel Heavy. 

Dr. Paul Pottkr, Jolly andi^artial to hypnotism Eccentric Comedy. 

Jake Abbott, the leader of the strike Eccentric Character. 

Ebknezer Bellows, a dark "subject" Ethiopian Comedy. 

!ro^S l-^-orJcmenintkefactory j Eccemric Character. 

Mrs. Harcotjrt, a butterfly of fashion First Old Woman. 

Kate Harcourt, the peiied child of fortune, who has 

an awakening to love and duty Leading I.ady. 

Bessie Conwa 4 . a slave of toil, Character Part. 

Mrs. Potter, whose specialty is skeletons Eccentric Comedy. 

Time of Representation, Two Hours and a Half. 



SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

ACT I.— The Belle's Birthday. Harcourt's mansion in New York.— Speed- 
ing the parting guest.— A morning call.— The gathering storm.— A daughter 
of fortune, and a son of the people.—" Our future son-in-law " drives a pretty 
close bargain.— Bellows collapses.— The price ot safety.— An explanation.— 
Master and man.— "Yes, we will speak of this again ; and pray Heaven it 
m&y not be too late !"— Tableau. 

ACT II.— At the Factory. An agreeable surprise.— A fleeting dream.— 
Old Conway's story.— c;artwright's resolve.— The new partner and tlie bride 
elect.— "My daufihier" asserts herself.— "I did not know until today, that 
people live on three dollars a week."— A spirited argument.— The superin- 
tendent's appeal for the workmen.— The walking delegate.- Charity vs. jus- 
tice.-" Supply and demand you see, sir."— Cart wriglit resigns on the spot.— 
"It is too fate— the strike is on ! "—Insult and defiance.— Picture. 

ACT III.— Home Again. Preparing for f cstirities.- The doctor mesmerlzeo 
the darkey, with startling results.— Mrs. Potter to the rescue.— Kate's awak- 
ening to love and duty.— "Angels in dress coats."— An unexpected reckon- 
ing.—" Release that lady ! "—A broken troth and a dissolved partnership.— 
The working-man's friend.— Bellows has another scare.— "My new partner, 
Mr. Cartwright, vice Mr. Ferguson, resigned."— The end of the strike.— Happy 
denouement. 

i^° Copies mailed, post paid, to any 
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